I am stressed.

Science students never seems to be outrightly scientific in a school so called Prophetic school. More so when one is stressed with unbearable burden not knowing what to do. Like any obedient student I obey the school rules and I make my time worth staying; Yet  I am stressed. You might wonder why?. Hooosh.... !!  Time really does fly. Two years ago, I walked in a very renowned school, Yangchenphug. I carried a academic transcript with my science mark leveled "91". I walked in the class with my heads held up high. Choosing my stream as science was my definite thought as i had excellent mark in all three science subjects. Being a school captain in my previous school, All the ethical values listed in my transfer certificate were marked "Outstanding". My admission wasn't a problem at all. 


Two years,  almost coming to an end, and i am worried that my marks might not be marked "91" now. I am stressed because I don't think I can perform well this time. I remember what my chemistry sir told once, " Keep the dog in your place and let it study, the dog will be able to get the pass mark".  we were quite, and the silence was deafening. Last year i secured only 77% and that meant three more marks to get 'The Chairman's Certificate of Honors'. This year midterm, was worst than ever, with just 72%, and that is again three more mark to get 'Institutes Certificate of Honors'. You might think I am being cynical, but those were marks including language paper. I always perform good in language papers and rest is least known. And in BHSEC examination you must know language is not so much considered.

I was a fine young student and I believe I still am one. Back in my village, the community, society and the teachers have been counting on me. I remember them giving me countless advices and the sight of trust bestowed upon me on my departure. I remember my principal saying in Farewell party "There is only one star that sailors counts on and thats North Star; There is only one student I and my fellow teachers fully trust on and thats  you, Tshewang". A very hug applause supported the statement. I was overwhelmed then. Yet when I started to feel now that I might not be able to uplift those trusts I do not but feel ashamed of myself.

On October 18, I will  will appear my trial exam. I am worried, not because I haven't been studying, because I might not do well. An in another month a time I will appear for the life changing annual examination.Why  do I think I mayn't do well?... well I don't know really know the answer. It does not mean I cannot be a very intelligent student with hard work; I  swear I can make my physics teacher swing his head and chemistry teacher bellow having biology teacher to be perplexed over Krebs Cycle and Darwin Finches if I can do my hard work equivalent to those who are topping my class. If you might have seen the performance of Yeshey Samdrup or Bhuwan Girri (2006 topper), I do not claim to be like them,  but I assure you I can be a man of myself in my own distinct needs.

The stress is growing everyday. The more nearer the exam appear to be,  the more is my stress. Some might say it is natural phobia during such times especially exams. But it is different. I see my friends discussing a lot of things, I go blank. I just don't know where are or which they are discussing about. I try to study. I open my book but the very sleep is doing its own trick. I exactly know that 12th grade is very important, and that I must study, but it doesn't work. Well I asked a teacher and he told me to do a group study with friends, I tried that too. Yesterday I was at my friend Penjor's place trying to learn Electro-chemistry. It happened to be more of a chatting time. It just doesn't work. I tried to seek a solution, finding only to be more  victimized.

Well there is only one solution left for me now. To cling onto my old philosophy. We do not know where the wind of life  might blow, just follow it and take up whatever comes on your way; warts and all and not just pleasurable part of it. Life is all about finding equilibrium, so joy is worthless without pain, Sorrow and happiness, Ups and downs are the mosaic of colors to which we call life. Day isn't a day if there is not night at all and therein lies the fact that earth cannot  be  be a congenial planet unless there is day and night. So though I am stressed I don't know where my wind of life might blow. Lets wait and see where the wind blows and I shall follow the wind.

Comments

  1. Have FAITH in yourself and that would lead you to the higher rungs. All the best and JUST DO IT!

    SC Gangtey

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  2. hi am very much delighted to see and read such a wonderful writing. From my view stress is not only the mental problem that our defects mind carries, so never let your stress to let u walk away. any way is my suggestion.

    Be confident and always as saying hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

    best of luck

    fan karma

    ReplyDelete

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